Monkey Branching in Relationships: The Psychology Behind It and Its Impact

Monkey branching occurs when someone in a committed relationship begins to cultivate romantic or emotional connections with other potential partners while still maintaining their current relationship. The term stems from the image of a monkey swinging from branch to branch, never letting go of one branch before having a firm grip on the next—helping ensure they never fall.

In relationship terms, this means someone is essentially lining up their next partner before ending their current relationship, creating an overlap that often involves emotional, and sometimes physical, infidelity.
This behavior differs from normal relationship transitions in several key ways:

• Intention: Monkey branching is premeditated. The person actively seeks out new relationship prospects while still committed to someone else.
• Timing: Unlike healthy transitions that occur after one relationship has ended, monkey branching involves a deliberate overlap.
• Transparency: Those who monkey branch typically hide their intentions from their current partner, often engaging in deception.

While not always involving physical intimacy with the new person, monkey branching typically crosses established relationship boundaries.

Ryan Ayers, SCSW, CST, a therapist specializing in relationship issues in Virginia Beach, VA explains, “Many of these factors are masked with denial, blaming, and avoidance, which results in the person’s emotional or physical absence from their primary relationship.” This emotional investment in someone else, while still in a committed relationship, constitutes a form of emotional infidelity for most couples.

The question of whether monkey branching is cheating depends largely on the boundaries established in the relationship, but in most monogamous relationships, the secrecy and emotional investment involved typically breach trust and constitute a form of infidelity.

Understanding the psychology behind monkey branching can help both those who engage in this behavior and those who have been on the receiving end.

Fear of Being Alone

Alyssa Landry, LPCC, a licensed professional counselor in Thornton, Colorado, suggests that “Monkey branching could be driven by a variety of psychological factors, including a fear of being alone, a lack of commitment, and dissatisfaction in the relationship.” This fear of solitude drives people to ensure they have their next relationship secured before ending their current one.

Attachment and Security Issues

Leanna Stockard, LMFT, a marriage and family therapist in Manchester, New Hampshire, points out that “Monkey branching behaviors may be due to psychological factors such as attachment issues, commitment issues, issues with self-esteem and/or self-worth.” People with anxious attachment styles may feel constantly insecure in relationships and seek validation from multiple sources.

Emotional Avoidance and Self-Esteem

“At the root, self-esteem, life satisfaction, and adverse life experiences contribute to monkey branching behaviors,” explains Ayers. He elaborates that it’s “like the person is stockpiling emotional and relationship resources to combat their fear of abandonment.” This avoidance of deeper emotional work leads to seeking external validation rather than addressing internal issues.

At the root, self-esteem, life satisfaction, and adverse life experiences contribute to monkey branching behaviors.

Pursuit of Novelty and Excitement

Some individuals monkey branch because they’re chasing the neurochemical highs associated with new relationships. The excitement of meeting someone new can be addictive, especially when compared to the comfort and familiarity of a long-term relationship.

The emotional consequences of monkey branching can be severe for everyone involved.

For the Person Being Left

Landry describes the impact on the person being left: “For the partner who is being monkey branched, it can lead to feelings of betrayal, self-doubt, uncertainty, and even abandonment. The partner gets left behind feeling devastated and with their self-esteem in tatters.”

These effects can be long-lasting. Stockard notes that, “The partner may develop self-esteem issues. They could begin to wonder what they did to lead their partner to cross the boundaries of the relationship and begin to question themselves.” This self-doubt can carry forward into future relationships, making it difficult to trust again.

For the Person Monkey Branching

Contrary to what might seem obvious, the person engaging in monkey branching often suffers as well. As Ayers explains, “The ‘brancher’ will consistently seek satisfaction while avoiding the ability to fully commit to relationships. The lack of commitment will feed self-esteem issues, causing the person to believe there is no one who will ever like them as they are.”

Stockard adds that people who monkey branch “may feel guilty and/or remorseful for their behavior, they may feel a sense of regret for engaging in monkey branching, and/or experience depressed mood about their behavior.”

The pattern can become cyclical. Without addressing the underlying issues, those who monkey branch may find themselves repeating the behavior in future relationships, never finding the stability and emotional connection they truly seek.

It’s important to distinguish between monkey branching and rebounding, as they represent different relationship transition patterns:

Rebounding:

• Occurs after a breakup
• Is a coping mechanism for processing loss
• May be impulsive rather than planned
• Doesn’t involve active deception of a current partner

Monkey Branching:

• • Begins while still in a relationship
  • Is premeditated and strategic
  • Involves actively cultivating a new relationship while maintaining an existing one
  • Typically involves some level of deception

The key difference lies in timing and overlap. Rebounding happens sequentially, after a relationship has ended, while monkey branching creates an intentional overlap between relationships.

Recognizing the warning signs early can help you address issues before they escalate. Here are common red flags that may indicate monkey branching behavior:

Increased Secrecy Around Communications

• Password-protecting devices that were previously shared
• Turning away when texting or taking calls in private
• Being defensive when asked about new contacts

Emotional Withdrawal

• Decreased interest in discussing the future of your relationship
• Reduced emotional intimacy and sharing
• Seeming distant or preoccupied regularly

New Unexplained Connections

• Frequently mentioning a new friend or colleague
• Being vague about how they met or the nature of their relationship
• Defensive reactions when you ask about these new connections

Changed Social Media Behavior

• Increased activity but less interaction with you
• New connections they seem overly engaged with
• Reduced couple content or public acknowledgment of your relationship

Schedule Changes Without Clear Explanation

• Unexplained absences or changes in routine
• Work events or outings you’re no longer invited to
• Difficulty reaching them during certain times that were previously accessible

Decreased Conflict Resolution

• Less interest in resolving relationship problems
• Seeming more accepting of persistent issues
• A general attitude of detachment when discussing relationship concerns

Relationships that begin through monkey branching face significant challenges. As Landry points out, the same patterns that led to the monkey branching may repeat: “The monkey brancher might feel temporary excitement, but eventually, they will have to come face-to-face with their emotional emptiness and isolation.”

There’s also the issue of trust. A relationship that begins with deception often creates a foundation of insecurity. The new partner may wonder, “If they did this to their ex, what’s to stop them from doing it to me?”

The monkey brancher might feel temporary excitement, but eventually, they will have to come face-to-face with their emotional emptiness and isolation.

For these relationships to have any chance at success, several factors must be addressed:

• Recognition and accountability: The person who engaged in monkey branching must acknowledge the behavior and take responsibility.
• Understanding root causes: Addressing the underlying psychological factors that drove the behavior is essential.
• Building new relationship skills: Learning healthier ways to handle relationship dissatisfaction and transitions.
• Establishing clear boundaries: Creating explicit agreements about what constitutes fidelity in the new relationship.

If you’re currently dealing with monkey branching in your relationship, couples therapy could be your most powerful tool for recovery. All three experts agree that professional intervention offers the best chance for relationship repair when both partners are committed to the process.

According to Landry, couples therapy can be a useful approach if someone notices monkey branching behavior or other “red flags” in the relationship. Monkey branching can be a sign of needs being left unmet in a relationship, or a sign of even deeper concerns, such as insecurity, a fear of commitment, poor communication patterns, and dissatisfaction in the relationship or their partner. A therapist can help the couple explore these root issues and develop healthier communication alongside coping strategies. Additionally, the therapist can work collaboratively with the couple to establish clear boundaries and expectations for their relationship. However, Landry cautions that “If the partner engaging in monkey branching is unwilling to acknowledge the behavior or work on the underlying issues, couples therapy may not be as effective. In such cases, individual therapy may be a better option.”

All three experts agree that professional intervention offers the best chance for relationship repair when both partners are committed to the process.

Stockard believes that “If both partners are committed to working on the relationship, then absolutely, couples therapy is a very good option to work through it. Through couples therapy, partners can work to understand the underlying reasons behind the behavior of monkey branching, how it is impacting the relationship overall, and what is needed to build the trust back in the relationship.”

Ayers agrees, stating that “Couples and individual therapy would be beneficial for the ‘brancher’ and their partner as long as the issue is addressed before the relationship is severely damaged. It can help couples understand how to mend feelings of betrayal and identify areas of dissatisfaction in the relationship.”

Monkey branching represents a complex intersection of emotional needs, relationship skills, and psychological patterns. While it often causes significant pain for all involved, understanding the behavior can be the first step toward healthier relationship transitions in the future.

Whether you’ve experienced monkey branching as the person leaving, being left, or observing it in others, recognizing the pattern is crucial for breaking the cycle. With self-awareness, professional support, and a commitment to more transparent communication, it’s possible to develop healthier ways of navigating relationship beginnings and endings.

The journey from one relationship to another doesn’t need to involve swinging from branch to branch. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to stand firmly on your own ground before taking steps toward a new connection.