Bridging the Divide: Managing Family Relationships Across Political Lines

Political beliefs are often deeply rooted in personal experiences, which can vary significantly across generations. Older family members may have lived through historical events that shaped their political views, while younger generations might be more influenced by current social movements and digital media. This generational gap can lead to misunderstandings and frustration when discussing political topics.

Older generations might prioritize stability and tradition, while younger members may advocate for change and social justice. These differing priorities can lead to conflicting views on everything from government policies to societal values.

The way different generations consume news and information also contributes to divergent political opinions. Older adults may rely on traditional news sources, while younger people might turn to social media or online platforms, which can present news with varying degrees of bias. The 2024 election is perhaps one of the most contentious and divided elections in recent history. In this political climate we asked three LifeStance clinical experts for their advice on how best to manage potential political conflict that may arise from differing political views and what to do should these conflicts happen during family gatherings/events.

Acceptance is a strategy recommended by Dr. Tiffany Truesdale, a LifeStance psychologist based in Newton, MA. Accepting that it is okay to have different political views, not everyone, even family members, will share the same political views. It would be important to create a space where there is connection and a bond outside of these different political views, so the differences are not the only things that are focused on. This approach helps maintain a peaceful environment and can prevent the escalation of conflicts that might otherwise lead to family estrangement.

It’s important to remember that it’s okay to set boundaries with family and friends, even if it causes discomfort or upsets others. Your peace of mind and the atmosphere in your home are priorities.

Ara Lambert, PsyD

Setting clear boundaries is also another strategy one can employ when discussing political disagreements. Dr. Ara Lambert, a Lifestance psychologist based in Bloomington, IL recommends identifying your non-negotiables. She advises, “Reflect on what you are willing to tolerate and what crosses your personal boundaries. Understanding your limits will help you enforce the ground rules effectively. If you are the host, this reflection should also extend to how much conflict you are willing to manage in your home. Setting clear boundaries and consequences for crossing them is not only acceptable but necessary for maintaining a peaceful environment. It’s important to remember that it’s okay to set boundaries with family and friends, even if it causes discomfort or upsets others. Your peace of mind and the atmosphere in your home are priorities.”

To decrease frustration, it can help to understand where others are coming from, and that may start with understanding what is important to them.

Amber Lefevour, LMFT

Agreeing to disagree is also something important to keep in mind while navigating political discussions with family members according to Amber LeFevour, a licensed marriage and family therapist practicing in Illinois. It’s important to remember that everything is just an opinion and we form our opinions based on what is most important to us. To decrease frustration, it can help to understand where others are coming from, and that may start with understanding what is important to them. Recognize that it’s okay to have different opinions. “Agreeing to disagree can preserve relationships by prioritizing harmony over the need to win an argument,” says LeFevour.

When political disagreements escalate, they can take a toll on mental health, leading to feelings of anxiety, stress, and even depression. Some families have such a deep political divide causing persistent conflict which can lead to family estrangement, where members may stop speaking to each other altogether.

Recognizing signs of distress or escalation during political discussions with family is crucial to maintaining healthy relationships. These conversations can easily become heated, leading to hurt feelings or long-term rifts. By identifying and addressing signs of discomfort early, we can prevent arguments from spiraling out of control, allowing for respectful dialogue.

Dr. Truesdale notes the emotions to be aware of are avoidance, sadness, resentment, and anger, lack of positive connection or wanting to connect, feeling disrespected, or othered. If ever feeling this way, first see if you feel comfortable (or if it feels safe) to communicate how you are feeling to create a space to be heard, respected and understood. If not, seek someone you feel safe communicating with, or someone else who may share your views that can be of support. Remember that you do not have to change your views just because someone else does not share the same views as you. Seek support, counseling, engaging in self-soothing skills, and self-validation. “We all have the right to our views, even if we do not agree. The importance should be on safety and respect,” says Dr. Truesdale.

Dr. Lambert describes social isolation behavior as another indicator. If you start avoiding family gatherings, social events, or even one-on-one conversations because you anticipate they will involve political talk, this could be a sign that you’re experiencing burnout. Withdrawing can be a coping mechanism, but it also indicates that the emotional burden has become too much.

If you’re also replaying conversations with family in your head, it may be a sign of mental health distress, says LeFevour. If you are still having imaginary arguments long after the conversation is over, or you’re thinking about how to respond next time, it might be time to step away from the conversations.

Disturbances in sleep or bad dreams may be another sign. When political discourse leads to generalizing any group of people in a specific way, objectivity may be lost.

It’s important to recognize these mental health risks and address them before they cause lasting damage to family relationships.

Family gatherings are common during the holidays, and important for bonding purposes. However, if political issues arise, there are strategies one can have at the ready for de-escalating heated political discussions.

Healthy communication and intention setting is a strategy that can prove to be preventative in potential conflicts. Dr. Truesdale says, “Communicate the desire to have respectful dialogue, to understand each other and connect. Maybe reference how past political discussions have not ended well, or made a person feel uncomfortable/unsafe, and how the intention should be focused on making everyone feel comfortable, even if views are different or everyone does not agree. Allow yourself to take space if things feel heated, uncomfortable, or unsafe. Identify a safe space, person, or activity that you can engage in. Remember that a person is more than just their political views.”

In families with deep political divides, it may be best to avoid the conversations altogether, suggests LeFevour. This could be changing the topic, leaving the conversation, or leaving the room. When that is not possible, coming from a place of curiosity might defuse some of the tension. Ask questions about why something is important to the other person, where did they get that information, what do they think should be done and why. Be prepared to get some answers that you may vehemently disagree with. Decide ahead of time who might be worth investing time in discussion with, and who might be best to just let them be.

Knowing ahead of time your individual triggers when it comes to political discussions and coping strategies is very helpful in de-escalation. This preventative approach that Dr. Lambert suggests addresses the issue before your emotions take over. Before attending the event, take some time to reflect on what typically triggers you in family settings. Recognizing these triggers beforehand allows you to be better prepared when they arise. Triggers can manifest in various ways, such as a rise in irritability, difficulty breathing, feelings of sadness or tearfulness, or physical sensations like heaviness or tension in your body. By being aware of these signs, you can catch yourself before emotions escalate and decide how to respond. Once you’ve identified your triggers, it’s important to have coping strategies ready to manage your emotional responses in the moment. Deep breathing, taking a brief walk outside, or even excusing yourself to a quiet room for a few minutes can help you regain composure. Deciding whether to stay and engage in the conversation or remove yourself from the situation is another crucial aspect of managing potential issues. Remember, it’s not always your responsibility to de-escalate a situation—sometimes the best choice is to step away and protect your own well-being.

Differing political views don’t have to tear families apart. By acknowledging the challenges, setting boundaries, and prioritizing understanding, families can navigate these differences while maintaining strong, healthy relationships. It’s about balancing respect for individual beliefs with the need to preserve family unity. With the right approach, it’s possible to bridge the political divide and foster a supportive, harmonious family environment.

Additionally, mental health experts recommend taking proactive steps to protect mental health. This can include seeking therapy, engaging in stress-relieving activities, or even limiting exposure to politically charged media. If you feel you or a family member may benefit from seeing a therapist, you can find a Lifestance Therapist who specializes in family relations and conflict resolutions.